Fresh Baked

Official.

2006-02-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

This blog has ended. Go now in peace to love and serve the world.

Kidney Punch

2005-11-28T22:37:00.000-08:00

True Colors-- Cyndi Lauper (feat. Sarah McLachlan)
Crazy-- Alanis Morissette
Because of You-- Kelly Clarkson
Hide and Seek-- Imogen Heap
Scar-- Missy Higgins
Basement Apt.-- Sarah Harmer
Closer to You-- Brandi Carlile
Suddenly I See-- KT Tunstall
Consequence Free-- Great Big Sea
All These Things I've Done-- The Killers
My Humps-- Black Eyed Peas
Blingity Bling-- Suburban Legends
Perfect Situation-- Weezer
XO-- Fall Out Boy
Devil in Jersey City-- Coheed & Cambria
Evenflow-- Pearl Jam

I Am Thankful for My Thinker

2005-11-25T23:57:00.000-08:00

Fig. 1: How to thaw a pumkin pie.

FYI: this was an individual pie-- out of the 'shipper' it's meant to be removed. It's kinda like the old popcorn bags that told you to take it out of the wrapper only after you took it out of the wrapper.

FYI (part the second): I am thankful for many other things as well.

Whammy!

2005-11-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

For October, just catching up...

Footloose-- Kenny Loggins
Babysittin' Blues-- Elisabeth Shue
Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood-- Santa Esmerelda
Love Is a Battlefield - Pat Benetar
Total Eclipse of the Heart-- Bonnie Tyler
What A Feeling-- Irene Cara
Canned Heat-- Jamiroquai
Heaven Must be Missing An Angel-- Tavares
Bohemian Rhapsody-- Queen
Little Bitty Pissant Country Place-- Dolly Parton
The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss)-- Cher
East Bound and Down-- Jerry Reed
Neverending Story-- Limahl
In My Life-- Chantal Kreviazuk
Let My Love Open the Door-- Pete Townshend
In Your Eyes-- Peter Gabriel
Let Go-- Frou Frou
Thank You for Being A Friend-- Golden Girls

Is It Hot in Here?

2005-11-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

With a change of address came a change of poling place: the local firestation. Yeah. It's safe to bet that I won't ever miss another chance to vote.

Aye, Aye Captain!

2005-11-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

So I got this job and in a word, it is AWESOME. I work in a grocery store making signs for their products-- I go in, see a sign that I think is ugly, take it down and make another, prettier, one. To me, this is fantastic because I get to make fancy letters all day long. Except of course, last week, when I got to make a gingerbread house. I know! I was paid to make a gingerbread house! I work in a fairy land.

It's been about a month almost and I'm still waiting for a catch. I'm sure there has to be one, lurking and waiting to snap at me. But so far, nothing seems bad. Thanks for all the good 'get-a-job' vibes that were sent-- ya'll vibed me up a great one.

Snooze v. News

2005-10-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

When we last left our heroine, she was but a lying, unemployed fool. So much has changed since then. Here's the latest update:

Snoozing:
Obsession: Cheez-Its
Employment: None
School: Tear-my-hear-out-classes
Phantom Leg Pains: Present, unaccounted for.
Dem & Leo: Single, with intent to wed
My breasts: Safely tucked away

Noozing:
Obsession: Law& Order (SVU, primarily)
Employment: Lettering and Liking It
School: Tear-my-hear-out-classes, but I added one more.
Phantom Leg Pains: Gone. Just up and disappeared!
Dem & Leo: Done gone and weddded.
My breasts: Hello, girls!

More words will follow, but I feel this sums it up for now.

James Has An Aquarium

2005-10-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

She's a Bad Mama Jama (She's Built, She's Stacked) - Carl Carlton
Girlfight - Brook Valentine feat. Big Boi and Lil Jon
Trees - Lovehammers (Marty Casey)
Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls feat Busta Rhymes
The Comeback - Shout Out Louds
1, 2, Step - Ciara feat. Missy Elliot
Alone Again Or - Calexico
Don't Lie - Black Eyed Peas
Pon De Replay - Rhianna
4ever - The Veronicas
Captain America - Moe.
Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn (Take It Back to Square One) - Hellogoodbye
These Words - Natasha Bedingfield
Keep On Breathing - Delgados
Baby Girl - Sugarland
Walking on Broken Glass - Annie Lennox
Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
Beautiful Enemy - Dar Williams
Stitched Up - Herbie Hancock feat John Mayer
Almost - Sarah Harmer
Better After All - Jonatha Brooke

**For the record: I did have this done in September, yes sir, and for sure. I just couldn't figure out how to arrange it all and then it took me a while to accept that Stevie Wonder didn't actually sing Bad Mama Jamma. Who knew?

Liar!

2005-09-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was at a bridal shower and for no reason whatsoever, I told lies the whole time. They weren't big lies or hurtful, but little fake answers I was coming up with to questions, like I would normally do at a bar when there are shiny guys asking the questions and not nice ladies with embroidered sweater vests. It was fun, and I'm not planning on stopping it any time soon.

OR AM I?

Scratch and Sniff

2005-09-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

So I did the presentation for my Febreze project yesterday. All quarter I have been dreading this and I was able to work myself into a pretty good frenzy by 4:00. For example? During a run-through with Eia, I started crying. I pretty much continued in that direction until we got to the ad agency where I took a nervous trip to the bathroom. In the first stall, there was no toilet paper and my immediate thought was This guy will stop at nothing to fuck with us! And then I caught myself thinking this insane thought and realized I had hit a point where, if I couldn't snap out of it, my head would explode and how can you give a presentation without a head? You can't! That helped me calm down a lot.

There were a few moments after that when I was seized with terror that I hadn't memorized my spiel and I would make a frantic run-through on my notes but the immortal words of Missy Pantone came to mind and I knew: If I don't have it already, I don't have it. Don't let anyone tell you that TV never taught you anything.

As for my presentation, my teacher's colleagues didn't really like my campaign, but they didn't not like it either. I really couldn't tell you because everything was like "Blah, blah, blah, Ginger" when they were talking to me. I do know that they all liked my fancy-folding brochure and that I made a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air joke, but I'm still not sure where it came from. File under: Oh well! because I can just put the whole thing to bed now. Weee!

My Summer Vacation

2005-09-12T00:04:00.000-07:00

What I have been doing the last few weeks:

- Becoming and being unemployed.
- Developing an unnatural Cheez-It habit.

- Going to Tahoe for the Very! First! Omega wedding!
- Cashing in on those many sleep hours I lost.

- Cutting out decorative penii and silk screening a most fabulous shirt for Dem's bachelorette party in Vegas.
- Partying like a damn rock star at said bachelorette.

- Spending a rough 20 hours addressing 150 wedding invitation envelopes in one night when, seriously, I had an entire month do do them.
- Recognizing Mike Adamle's voice in about 5.3 seconds on Battle of the Network Reality Stars because I watched American Gladiators that much.
- Obsessing about the presentation I have to do tomorrow in front of my classmates, teacher, and all of my teacher's ad-exec co-workers. Yipe!
- Thinking about the drink I'm going to order when the presentation is done and we all go out to a bar.

What I have not been doing:

- Updating my blog.
- Keeping up with anybody elses' (with the exception of the fascinating postsecret, which I consider research for a school project).

- Enjoying my tattoo (I suspect the reason it didn't hurt was because the man wasn't actually pushing the needle into my skin deep enough).
- Hiding the crepe paper from the lady in charge of decorations at the Tahoe wedding, because it was a wedding, not an egg hunt or 5 year old's birthday. It wasn't me, nope, no sir.
- Enjoying a sausage and egg bagel from Subway.
- Receiving a Vegas lap dance from a man who apparently wraps his wang with an Ace bandage.
- Being a responsible dogsitter. (During the marathon calligraphy episode, I had to have my brother, my Number One Designated Sleeper, do me the favor of watching the dog for the night.)
- Putting down the Cheez-Its for the past 15 minutes. BBQ! Scrum!

Mi Scuzi

2005-09-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

There is an update coming soon, but I only have the next 24 hours to address 150 envelopes. Doesn't that sound like I have a whole lot of time? It's not. Stupid European addresses.

Wild Horse

2005-08-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

Inked-- Theme Song
Helena-- My Chemical Romance
Right Here-- Staind
Sugar, We're Goin Down-- Fall Out Boy
Top of the World-- All-American Rejects
Tune Out-- The Format
Saints and Sinners-- Paddy Casey
You Dance-- Eastmountainsouth
Listen To Your Heart-- D.H.T.
Lets Do It-- Joan Jett and Paul Westerberg
Good Old Fashioned Loverboy-- Queen
Brass in Pocket-- The Pretenders
Kicking the Heart Out-- Rogue Wave
Life Is Short-- Butterfly Boucher
Gone, Going-- Black Eyed Peas feat. Jack Johnson
I'm A Worried Man-- Willie Nelson feat. Toots Hibbert
Love Is the Seventh Wave-The Arch of Abundant Love-- The Duhks
Have You Seen My Love-- Rosie Thomas
Happy-- Brandi Carlile
Dream Big-- Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband
Now that I Know-- Shannon McNally
In Spite of All the Damage-- Be Good Tanyas

Le Poo (A Post in Which I Whine More Than I'm Proud to Acknowledge)

2005-08-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

Mondays have been kind of long days for me this quarter. I work in the morning and then have class in the afternoon and again in the evening. My evening class is with the tyrant teacher who wants people to drop and after yesterday's midterm grades went out? More did! We now have only 10 people in the class which started with, oh, 26?

I have the dubious pleasure of having an A- in that class, a grade I suspect he didn't give out to too many people, which, yay! but, also, crap. Now people in my class hate me. And despite knowing that these people should just work harder and do something other than take it out on me, I feel guilty. And also that somehow it might be a fluke. And that it's going to be very hard to maintain because I will either fall asleep, never to rise again for the rest of the quarter, or go nuts trying to out-think myself.

Let me see if I can explain this without boring the crap out of you... I have to design a campaign for Febreze. (We picked our products out of a hat on the first day and I really almost threw up after seeing what I would be working with for the entirety of the quarter.) So far, we've done print ads and billboards and are working on brochures and point-of-purchase plans. Each week, we meet with him and present 3 ideas for whatever stage we're on and he either approves one or sends you back with an assignment to help you get better ideas. You have that night to complete the assignment so that you can have an email for him by the time he gets to work the next morning to approve or send you out again to do something else until you get it right.

Last week, he liked two of my ideas. Joy! Good thinking! Plus? Twice the work! And the end result was not going to bed until about 4am to get up for work at 7 and start the aforementioned long Monday. And then in class last night, after a little sweet success, he shut down all my ideas for our new project-- and assigned me to walk around a grocery store for an hour looking for inspiration. So, since we got out of class an hour early, I decided to go then.

Only, well, there were these nails, see? And somehow, they wound up in my tire? And that let all the air out? So, Nails + Tire - Air = Crap, flat tire. Which all got sorted out with minimal fanfare and now I can't drive over 60 and sure, that'll last. But then, poof! It was 10. And I was tired. And still had to go to the store or suffer the wrath. Le poo, y'all. For an hour because I'm too chicken to lie to him if he asks if I really was there for an hour. And I left having only one idea that was worth anything and another just to show how hard-working I am, even though it was pure crap. I received an email from him 20 minutes ago. He liked my ideas-- do them both and have them ready for next Monday.

I am on a fucking loop, people.

Also: I just realized that I have only mentioned the teachers I have called names, either to their faces or behind their tyrannical backs. That's really only 3 out of the 15 or so that I've had. I do get along with people, honest I do.

Also, also: I would be remiss if I didn't say thank you to Bunny for the Jolt energy gum. I thought it was a total gimmick, but no. Zip-zing! That shit works!

Also, also, again: It turns out that the whole 'try not to bore the crap out of you' idea was a total lie. Whoops! Sorry!

Résumé Builder

2005-08-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

So I quit my job. Actually, this is the second time I've quit my job, but the first time (a few months ago) I was told that my resignation wasn't going to be accepted. This time, I got it in writing and it's put me into really exciting and scary territory-- in three weeks, I'm unemployed. Yikes.

As much as I'm concerned about my future, I'm fairly comfortable with the situation. I knew I had to get out of my office and into the field I'm pursuing in school. It was never going to be easy, and I knew that as well. But my family and friends have all been very supportive of this decision, believing in me and telling me they know I'll be successful, and that makes it so much easier. Of course, they, like I, had hoped I would have another job to get into as soon as I'm finished here, so everyone keep your fingers crossed for me that I find something soon.

Or, if you would like, you can hire me out yourownself for the following positions:

I also excel at misspelling words, reciting obscure movie quotes, and maintaining a collection of playing cards that will rival any casino (provided its a really, really small casino).

Interested parties may contact me directly for any of the above.

Don't Stop, Get it, Get it

2005-08-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

Guess what I got last weekend?! A tattooooo (it means poem and art in ooooold Irish). It was surprisingly not as painful as I expected it to be, or really all that painful at all. A few times, I busted out with a bit of the Gorillaz' to take my mind away from the itchy feeling that I was getting, but that was about it. And I came with support, too. Eia and Dem were on either side of me-- Eia totally prepared to let me squeeze the everloving hell out of her hand because, hello needles, meet my foot; and Dem on the other side prepared to keep talking through the whole thing because, hello needles! Meet my foot! A lot of times. The talking helped, but Eia's hand remains unscathed.

Afterward, we went to dinner with Leo and Jack and it was yummy! And I got presents! And singing! And cookies with candles because... happy Birthday to meeeeeee!

Good On Photoshop

2005-07-31T18:51:00.000-07:00

If I Could-- Phish feat. Alison Krauss
Brighter than Sunshine-- Aqualung
I Drove All Night-- Cyndi Lauper
Eye of the Tiger-- Paul Anka
Daisies and Roses-- Burlap to Cashmere
Flowers in the Window-- Travis
Special-- Wilshire
Tumbling After-- Starfield
Can't Hardly Wait-- The Replacements
Nice Thing-- Stretch Princess
Get Up-- Superchick
Some Days-- Wheat
Educated Fool-- Vagenius
Cool-- Gwen Stefani
Balance Beam-- Blue October
So Jealous-- Tegan and Sara
Where's Me Jumper?-- Sultans of Ping F.C.
Pressure Drop-- The Specials
Casa Nova-- Mia Doi Todd
Let's Dance With Me-- Party Ben (Hot Hot Heat v. David Bowie)
Feel Good Inc.-- Gorillaz

Apoplexy, Party of One

2005-07-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Excitement, too great. Must. Sit Down.

S'Good.

2005-07-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've been having a couple good days lately. A teacher who promised to make us cry by the end of the quarter (for which I'm an easy target) and who is proud of the fact that he is getting students to drop the class one by one liked what I had to show him on Monday. I was so nervous going into class that night, and I came out feeling like a hero. Yay! Plus, rumor has it that if he likes you in the beginning he'll like you all the way through... I'm not holding my breath on that one, but my fingers are crossed a little. And my teacher was out for yesterday's class so A) no class! and B) I had the director of the program look at what I was working on and she liked it. So, you know... another load off.

And, because I like to spend my free time being a nerd, I went to the library. As I was walking out with my maximum number of checked out items, debating whether or not I should get coffee, Annie called me to tell her that Scooter brought extra Starby's to her during her class and would I like one? Wheee!! Next time, I'm going to think about robbing a bank and hope to come across a blank check or something equally free money-ish. Hope the rest of you are having just as much, if not more, luck than I am.

**Totally forgot to mention that, Starby whore I am, when I got my coffee this morning I requested it without whipped cream. I was tempted to be annoyed when I got it with, but was secretly excited-- special treats for me! As Eia said when I told her, "You were trying to be good and then God said, "Give that girl some sugar!"" Gimme some sugar, indeed.

I'll Take an Order of Size 10s With an Extra Side of Guilt, Please

2005-07-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

In class on Monday, we were asked to bring in a few ads and after each of us talked about them a bit, our teacher asked us where we pulled them from. Most replies were along the Rolling Stone, Cosmo, Maxim lines, but one girl-- who had annoyed me on the first day by talking incessantly about Disneyland, FYI-- responded by saying "I found it in my mom's bathroom." Riiiiight. And a little ew.

So last night I had class with some of the same people from that class and we were laughing at all the silly things that people had said when I decided that I needed to repeat what Disneygirl said. I checked out the room, made sure she wasn't there, and did a complete mimic of what she'd said, including using her high-pitched, whiney voice. Hey, guess what? You know how I didn't see her in class? Yeah, that was because she was standing directly behind me. I am such an asshole. Wanna be my friend?

Does Anyone Want A Prize?

2005-07-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm just saying I have prizes for anyone who says they want one.

Say Hello.

2005-07-13T11:01:00.000-07:00

This is Magna. (Secretly, I call her Magma because I think she's liquid hot.)

Eia brought her home after Magna had served her time in lost and found. At first, I was skeptical because I've had all the bike-related injuries I want, but she's so pretty! I couldn't resist for long. So in the evenings, Magna and I take a trip around the block to get the mail and spy on the neighbors. Maybe one day I'll take her out onto the main street, but I don't think we're ready for that yet. I have high hopes for us though, and think we're going to get along splendidly, if only because she matches my shoes so well.

Egg Salad, PB&J, Turkey on Whole Wheat

2005-07-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent a long time thinking about how much it would stink if your name was Sal Yours.

"Who does this sandwich belong to?"
"Sal Yours."

And then he would eat it all gone. Sorry, Sal.

Sometimes I think I'm so funny when I come up with these ideas, but mostly, I just think its a sign that I need to go take a nap.

My Subconscious Can Beat Up Your Subconscious (But Wouldn't Because It's Too Good Willed)

2005-07-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I had one of the more interesting dreams I've had in a while-- mostly because I actually remembered it and not because there were no flying apes or intergalactic automobiles involved. Everything seemed well within the realm of possibility and therefore, kinda freaked me out. The scenario:

I was at some kind of formal event-- a reception of some kind where everyone was very nice and polite with the exception of myself who was feeling rather glib and flippant about the whole thing. At some point, I picked up a phone message from a man who was the Minister of (oops, don't remember this part... some country... or perhaps the Minister of Magic?) and wanted to speak to me about how proud of me and grateful he was that I would be meeting with the German refuges the next day. Apparently, I was doing great things. He finished up his message by saying that he didn't know what my plans were, but he had arranged a scholarship for me to get my jurisprudence degree at the university of my choice. Immediately, randomly, I found the girl I had hated in 5th grade and rubbed it in.

So, while, yes, technically, this was all within the realm of some far off possibility, there was one point that stood out as completely random: I used the word jurisprudence in my dream. My subconscious is now officially smarter than I give it credit for.

A Great Face for Sunglasses

2005-06-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Surfin' USA-- Pennywise
I Want it That Way-- Dynamite Boy
High Fives-- Suburban Legends
Don't Phunk With My Heart-- Black Eyed Peas
Switch-- Will Smith
Signs-- Snoop Dogg Feat Charlie Wilson & Justin Timberlake
California-- Hawk Nelson
In Love With the 80's (Pink Tux to the Prom)-- Relient K
I Met A Girl-- Wheat
Wordplay-- Jason Mraz
Força-- Nelly Furtado
As Cool As I Am-- Dar Williams
Dancehall Girls-- The Duhks
Differently the Same-- Donavon Frankenreiter
Naked As We Came-- Iron & Wine
Honey and the Moon-- Joseph Arthur
Littlest Birds-- Be Good Tanyas
You and I-- The Duhks