Fresh Baked

Friday, November 19, 2004

This Blog Will Come to Order

I had jury duty yesterday. Technically, I suppose the duty part since last Friday when I started calling in every night after 5 to see if they would need me the next day, but that's neither here nor there. Except that I almost forgot to call on Wednesday night. But then, around 11, I remembered again. See? Smart. And good thing, too, because I had to report the next morning at 7:30. AM! God, that is an ugly hour. Also, I had no idea how to get to the courthouse and was with neither computer nor map. So what I thought would be another boring old homework night, I had adventure! Excitement! And some phone calls to make. And then a debate. With myself:

You should get coffee in the morning.
Love to, thanks.
But do you have the time?
I can get up earlier.
But you have to BE THERE at 7:30 and you might possibly be the worst getter-upper in the history of all getter-uppers ever.
I know, but... but?
But? But? You also suck at debate.

So I got up at a regular still-too-early-for-my-liking time. Not enough time for coffee, but hey, I showered, so that's something. And I got to the courthouse just on time to realize that 7:30 is when they start checking people in, not the be-here-or-else time. Trickery! Nay, Chicanery (we are amongst the legals... best smarten it up a bit)!! Is that kind of practice allowed within these hallowed halls? So I sat and did homework while shooting 'oh, you're so smart to know that 7:30 isn't the real time aren't you, buddy? Oh! And you have coffee!! Please let me suck your dregs!' looks at people.

I got momentarily stunned into distracted from all the flagellating to notice two things. Women. Two women, probably in their mid-50s and pushing it as far as possible. Tammy Faye eyes and oh, my God, the hair. Imagine this, but on the head of a person. On two persons! With matching scrunchies and matchie embroidered star sweatsuits. Horrifying and hilarious, all in one. And how did they get to serve together? I need to start bringing a buddy to these things. Or, at the very least, a camera.

Orientation began at 9. After saying that all 450 people in that very room would have to stay until 5-- instantly crushing the hopes of all--they said that they'd put on a film! And I thought, 'A film! Like on an airplane'! and then promptly started kicking myself again, for I am dumb. It was a video (hear that, law persons? check it-- Vid.E.O.) featuring a guy with a mullet and a woman with shoulder pads, talking about how they love to serve. And while I was ignoring them, do you know what I saw? C'mon, guess. A cafeteria! And cafeterias have coffee. And coffee reduces the dumb in people. I was one cup in when up at the pode, I heard the magic spoken-- all the phone-in jurors get to go! For free!


The faces of all the other people were FANTASTIC with all the pouting. And the smile on my face wouldn't quit no matter how hard I tried so I just gave up and grinned like a giant ass. Take that, 7:30. Fuck you, coffee-less void. I. AM. OUT!