Fresh Baked

Thursday, August 12, 2004

The Alchemy of Doritos

Would you believe that there was a time when I really didn't like bmh at all? It's true. See, bmh started out, from my perspective, as my best friend's Annoying Little Sister. (hi Eia). And bmh was pretty much a master in the Annoying Little Sister arena, prone to such transgressions as COPYING US and EATING ALL THE CAKE. There was also the Desitin-smearing incident of '83, but it's lunch time, so we won't reminisce too deeply on that one.
Thankfully, time passed. The annoying tendencies waned with the years, clearing the way for bmh's awesomeness to shine through. But the pivotal moment of change took place in the h family kitchen, like so many key moments before and since. It was after a big graduation party, and most of the other guests had left. bmh and I found ourselves standing at the kitchen counter, making our way through a bowl of leftover Doritos. These particular Doritos were of the nacho-cheese variety. bmh and I, having reached only a fledgling level of friendship, observed formal Dorito etiquette, politely alternating turns as we reached into the bowl. Presently, bmh excavated some superficial chip, revealing what I have since come to think of as the Philosopher's Stone. You know, that magical, mythical rock that alchemists dreamed would transmute base metals into gold? Anyway, this was the mother of all Doritos. Laden with so much nacho cheese powder as to appear to be crafted of the plushest velvet. And Fortune had seen fit to unveil this chip just as it became my turn to choose. There was no doubt that I was going for the mother chip. As my teeth first breached the luscious Dorito, my eyes locked with bmh's. She nodded slowly, her eyes shining with the type of pride usually seen only in the eyes of a new grandparent, and said to me, somberly, "Excellent call." The empathy, the joy, the connection of the moment was exquisite. We cracked up like a couple of motherfuckers, and have been BFFs ever since.
The Dorito was really delicious, too.
dem i am.