Fresh Baked

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Together now, in the key of RANT

BULLSHIT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKIN' PIECE OF HORSECOCK

So.

Okay, so...

Okay, so... there is this door that has been locked for the past 3 years in the office stairwell that leads to the roof of the building. And for all that time, I have been begging someone to unlock it so I can go up and sit in the sunshine and eat my lunch with beautiful scenery. And finally, FINALLY, it happened. On Monday, my manager told me that the door to this magical wonderland had been unlocked. And my co-workers and I went and basked in the scenery and freedom from our desks. I ate lunch up there. I took breaks. I had mad passionate sex with the lab assistant from the third floor. (Okay, not really-- but I would have. But not with him. Eww.)

Today dawned with promises of more rooftop gallivanting. At the very moment I put my head down on my keyboard, feeling so finished with today and the 7 years of records I have gone through, my co-worker said, "Lets go up. I can't take anymore."

God bless her.

On our way out, we grabbed the others. Together we walked up and soaked in the direct sunlight we were hidden from before. We walked across the spans of the roof to look at the construction going on next door. We laughed at all the other poor saps who didn't get to go on their roofs, because they are sad people who have no idea what they're missing and should be pitied. Poor, sad them.

Well change that to poor, sad us. The fucking goddamn piece of shit co-worker I have decided that all this joy shouldn't be allowed. She thought what with all the fun we're having we wouldn't ever go back into the office. She was crazy with the jealous of me and that lab assistant. (Nope... still eww.) Because when we came down she pulled the stopper from the lock. She PULLED the STOPPER from the GODDAMN LOCK. Wwwhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?? What is her problem? Does she hate me? Does she hate fun? Does she kick children and dogs, too?

I am at a loss for understanding why she did this. But I am very certain that I didn't need another reason to hate her and now I am just beside myself with ire. My stomach hurts with the control I have had to display over my fists and mouth. It is a very good thing that the door is locked, actually, because otherwise she would find herself thrown over the side in short order.

PISS.SHIT.DICK.

PS: This is the same co-worker who told me that she liked Elvis's music, but couldn't ever watch him. Because of the hips and the gyration. Oh, Lord. I think maybe she does hate fun.