Fresh Baked

Monday, July 12, 2004

Resting in Hammy Heaven (Or, Reasons to Make A List, Because I Just Figured Out How)

In my junior year of college, I decided it was time for our apartment to have a pet. This launched a successive string of hamsters, a pet that is enjoyable though not all that durable.

Before we get started, let me say that all these hamsters, though each had an individual moniker, was only ever referred to as Hammy.

  1. Moons Over My Hammy. I had this hamster for all of about a week. One day I came in from lacrosse practice to find two of my roommates crouched on the kitchen floor with flashlights, a broom, and the refrigerator pulled out of it's nook. Seems that Hammy1 had made a break for freedom and wound up under the fridge that I'm willing to bet hadn't been moved since its installation in 1973. A few days later we noticed that Hammy1 was doing a sad little hammy shiver in his cage and hadn't eaten in a while. When I called for help, the pet store guy suggested that I stick my finger up his ass to see if there was some... I really don't know-- the dude lost me after he suggested I stick my finger up my hamster's ass. Instead, I took Hammy1 in to the store for a "professional" to do the deed. Within minutes, the kid came back suggesting I look for another hamster because that one wasn't going to make it. I don't know what exactly happened to this guy- possibly something he ate under the fridge? RIP, Hammy1.

  2. Beady-Eyed Hamster. Hammy2 was named after a girl we went to school with, aka: the Beady-Eyed Dancer, for reasons I'm sure you can understand. (Seriously? The beadiest eyes ever!!) Hammy2 wouldn't bite like Hammy1 did, nor try to make a break for it, and was very good with children. Or, drunk college students who behaved like children. While he played well in his ball, he didn't have to go in it all the time because he liked to run on the window sill and the back of the couch... which is how we (I) eventually lost him. I let Hammy2 out to play one day and there he went, quiet as a hammy, playing his heart out on the window sill. He was so quiet, in fact, that I forgot he was out and went to class without putting him back. Three guesses as to what happens when you leave a hamster playing by an open door and there are cats lurking nearby. RIP, Hammy2.

  3. Scary Hamster With No Name. After the demise of Hammy2, I wanted another hamster right away ('cause I was so good at caring for them). But I wanted one that was cool and tough. So I got one with black spots and had a piece of his ear missing. I wanted to name him Rebel Without a Hammy, but my roommates put the kibosh on that by making me take him back before he ever got settled in because they didn't think he was cute. The best part? I brought him back to the store and told them that my kids didn't like it and wanted one that was prettier. So, no RIP to Hammy3, but... sorry you were ugly.

  4. Green Eggs and Ham(ster). As though to make up for all the hammy drama from before, Hammy4 was the easiest and most kick-backedest hamster (though nowhere near as cool as Hammy2). He lasted the longest, too. Hammy4 made it through the end of junior year and lived all through my senior year next door to a box turtle named Droz. After graduation, Hammy4 was raffled off in my sister's 5th grade classroom to a student who took very good care of him and informed us of his sad passing not too long ago. RIP, Hammy4.

So there you have it. It being either a list of hamsters I had in college or a very good reason to never let me near your pets.